Four years ago, a Technical Senior Manager gave me some unexpected feedback: “Yvonne, you say ‘I’ too much. You should work on saying 'we' more, and focusing on teamwork."

At first, I was taken aback. For women in technology—or anyone navigating male-dominated spaces—where community and team building skills are often essential for our survival, surface-level feedback such as this can evoke intense feelings of self-doubt.
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You start to question whether your work contributions are truly valued or if you'e being unfairly judged based on biases and stereotypes.

At best, you get mad. At worst you get even. 😭

So, how did 'I' respond?
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I smiled, thanked him, and then dismissed his advice COMPLETELY.
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3 COMMON FEEDBACK TRIGGERS

Looking back, I wonder if I were TOO quick to reject the feedback.

In my Inclusive Feedback Workshop, I share three common feedback triggers that can block our growth:

1. ⚖ Truth Triggers: Set off by feedback that feels wrong or untrue, which leads to feelings of indignation or frustration.
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2. 🖖🏽 Identity Triggers: Occurs when feedback challenges our self-image and identity, making it harder to accept.
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3. 👯 Relationship Triggers: Influenced by who gives it to us rather than its content or accuracy.

Reflecting on my experience, I can clearly see that the manager's feedback had set off my Identity Trigger. As someone who deeply values and prioritized community and teamwork, his feedback felt like an attack on my core values!
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FEEDBACK TOOL: CONTAIN THE STORY

With the the knowledge I have now, I would have processed my reaction differently, using the 'Contain the Story' Tool, a method that breaks down feedback objectively, removes the emotional charge and sees it from a broader perspective.

Here's how it works:

1. Get a sheet of paper to visually map out the feedback.
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2. Create TWO columns:
   • Column 1 - What is the feedback about?
   • Column 2 - What is the feedback NOT about?
3. Create a THIRD column:
   • Take note of any potential cultural differences at play.
4. Then ask yourself:
   • How can I use this feedback to improve or grow in my role or as a leader?

That's it!​
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Having the ability to manage feedback and our emotional responses well isn’t just about personal growth—it’s about building trust, improving communication, and nurturing an inclusive culture.
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So the next time you receive feedback that feels off, take a moment, map it out, and view it from above.

You might find that what initially felt like criticism can actually become a powerful tool for your development.

👉🏽 Ready to help your team navigate feedback more effectively? Let’s schedule 30 minutes to discuss my Inclusive Feedback Workshop.

With Warmth & Bravery,

Yvonne Jackson, SocialEDG Founder
yvonne@socialedg.com

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